March 3, 2011

Fighting The Loser Mentality

There truly is something to that, "confession is good for the soul" thing but it's not going to be the thing that keeps from wanting to eat!  Yesterday was a great day!  I was healthy, I ate healthy, I was feeling good, I had energy and a new zeal for going after the "GIANT."  Today..I'm tired.  Lailey, since being home from the hospital (oh yea..that's another story I need to tell) has suddenly become scared at night and like a newborn who fights sleep.  So, I'm sleepy, I'm unfocused, I'm less energetic and...I'm HUNGRY!  I've done pretty well today...until an hour ago. I ate, almost, an entire bag of Chipotle BBQ Snack Mix.  I reasoned that it has nuts(healthy..check) it has pretzels (low in fat..check) it has lots and lots of cayenne and chipotle pepper(helps burn fat quicker), sesame sticks and corn sticks(uh...) so it's OKAY, right?  WRONG! I just ate: 65 carbs, 700 calories..SE VUN HUN DREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and 45 fat grams! forty freakin five fat grams in 30 minutes...for a SNACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now this "little" bag of chipotle goodness(the actual brand is called GOOD SENSE?! Liars!) has been a staple for me over the last few weeks, since I discovered it and I honestly have told myself that it's somewhat healthy.  It's not like eating a bag of chips! DUH! It's a smidge less...but not enough to call it a healthy snack.

So if all that wasn't enough, I found one lone bag, in my tote bag, of the newest killer by Hershey's, "Drops". LOSER! FOOD LOSER!! My fat brain's just this one package and you'll never buy them again.  You cannot waste them..and God forbid you give them to someone! How RUDE!

Oh yea...i ate the whole bag!

Now...comes the guilt, the shame, the loser mentality and the questions? WHY? I had lunch less than 2 hours ago and I just ate so much that I'm sick! And I can honestly say I was NOT hungry.  Why did I do that? Because I had it? These are the questions I gotta find the answers to!

I will move on.  I hope I don't eat tonight.  I have little myself at this point!


No comments:

Post a Comment