September 3, 2010

Up & At 'Em and Ready to Run!

So the last few weeks have been a little crazy and an emotional roller coaster to say the least.  We visited the lovely, ever charming and near and dear to my heart, Nashville, for a couple of weeks and it was hard to leave, I have to say.  L was born there, of course and we moved from there one year ago, year and one month.  I've lived most of my adult life there.  It was hard to leave again and it's been REALLY difficult getting back into the groove of things here at The Creek. 

Many of you know, I chose to move back to Oklahoma(my home state) after having Lailey.  It was important to me, and for her, that she be raised with my family.  So while it was hard to pull up the long and twisted roots that I had planted in Nashville, it was necessary.  We moved to where my parents live to be in a little bit more stable environment while trying to get established again and what was supposed to have been a few months turned into a full year.  This past year has been wonderful, difficult, fulfilling, and unsettling all combined.  It's been worth it and I would do it again even though the challenges have been present. 

I started praying that God would make a way for us to move to OKC a few weeks ago and He did.  I got a job, in less than a week, after beginning the hunt.  I'm now trying to find housing and worrying about child care.  The realistic part of me knows that most moms have to put their child(ren) in full time care and every one of them went through what I'm feeling right now, which is, panic, heart ache, worry, guilt.  The slightly emotional unstable woman in me wants to just curl up in the corner, in the fetal position and crawl to the cat dish, occasionally for a sip of gin.  I mean how is my 2 year old that has NEVER stayed with anyone except me and mom for more than a few hours, be okay in a 10 hour a day structured setting?  HOW???  I mean, what is in my head, is her crying her eyes out, hitting the other kids because they take her toys, throwing a fit(on the ground), back arched and screaming when MADE to take a nap.  I'm horrified at the thoughts.

I guess this is one of those moments in life, as a Believer in God and the Holy Spirit working in my life, I MUST trust God to work all of this to our good.  It's hard...when you get down to the nitty gritty of it all (I've accepted a job and have no where to live and no one to watch my daughter).

So, today I'm going to trust...BIG TIME!  It's not the first time I've been here and certainly won't be the last.  God has never let me down.  In my heart of hearts I know He won't this time either.

It's 70 degrees out and I just raised my windows to enjoy the cool air. There's something so wonderful about seeing the curtains blow gently back and forth away from the windows.  I love it.  It is the sign of change.  A glorious change from the dog days of summer, that wear you out after a while, to that time of year that everybody loves...Autumn.  I'm gonna take this little visual reminder as a lesson of how wonderful change can be and once it's fully here, it feels SO good.  I'll get there.  Pray for me ya'll!


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