June 15, 2010

Grateful for the moment

Yesterday was like being on vacation. Mom, L & I spent the morning wild flower hunting. We ate breakfast by the lake and dug up thousands of black eyed susan, purple thistle, red indian blanket, and pink cone flowers. I love watching my daughter with her Grammy at times like this. She is teaching her invaluable things. How to plant a flower, the wonderfulness of putting your hands in soil and squishing it around, to always look and make sure there isn’t a bee on a flower before you smell it. I LOVE this. And so does L. She is so proud of the little flowers she has “planted” and knows what a spade, gloves, and a watering can are for.

My mom is an avid gardener and she has a particular obsession with wildflowers. While vacationing in Colorado some years ago, she managed to haul back about a hundred different species of wild flowers. I have to say, her wild flower garden was like none I'd seen, in person. It should have been photographed and published.

I’m learning to love the place that I’m in. I will tell you, it has not been easy. I moved here, to the lake, almost a year ago and aside from being a new mom and enjoying that journey, it has been painful and trying to say the least. I know why they say, “you can’t come home again” and why adult kids should NOT live with their parents for any length of time! As a single woman, never married, making a life changing decision for the betterment of someone else is difficult to say the least. And until L was here, in the world, I never dreamed we would move from Nashville. The place that has captivated my heart for almost 15 years. It is such a special place, one that holds the memories of most of my adult years and many many special friendships that have altered my life, for the good. I grew up spiritually here, I grew in wisdom and unfortunately size! LOL! So leaving was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. But you know, as a mom, you do what you have to do to ensure your kids are where they are supposed to be. It's my job to set her on her right path until she is able to make those decisions. It's the utmost importance to me to do it right for her.

So learning to live, where I’m at, with the shoes of peace has been a process but I think I’m getting there. Five family members live within walking distance from us. My dear, sweet, Aunt Dutchy went home to be with the Lord in January, leaving L and me with a great little house, nestled on a beautiful wooded lot with everything we need. I am working from home and making it. That’s all one can really hope for. My daughter plays outside nearly every day, we swim in the lake, we go on golf cart rides, we feed ducks, we see deer and foxes in our yard, we feed raccoons. She hunts and plants wildflowers with her Grammy and rides on the lawnmower with Papa Mac. I could not ask for more. And when I think about it, it truly is my dream. To have a little house, with a little girl, that I can stay home and raise and teach about life, and flowers and birds. Miriam would be so proud (this is another post). So I’m at peace and grateful for this moment.


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